CONFLICT RESOLUTION: MEDIATION, MENTORING & COACHING
For when families face loss and legacy
When I began my journey into mediation, I came across the story of the wise woman / mediator and the 17 camels in my training with the Society of Mediators, then in a talk given by the amazing William Ury (well worth a watch), and then in Martin Plowman's book 'Zen and the Art of Mediation' (well worth a read).
I love stories, especially fables. Plus it is the perfect metaphor for what a mediator does.
Like the wise woman, a mediator doesn’t take sides or split things down the middle. Instead, they bring in a fresh perspective—a “camel,” if you will—that helps everyone see the problem differently and reach a solution that once seemed impossible.
Naming my mediation service “Camel Mediation” is:
- A nod to creative problem-solving
- A bow to all the expert mediators and problem solvers who have helped me along the way
- A reference to Middle Eastern wisdom and storytelling
- And a reminder that sometimes, the solution isn’t about dividing the pie—it’s about adding a new ingredient to make the whole thing work.
Here's my version of the 17 Camel fable in case it's new to you.
How do you divide an inheritance of 17 camels between 3 brothers in these shares?
1/2 to the eldest
1/3 to the middle son
1/9 to the youngest
Read on to find out. Like all good fables, their are morals to the tale.
The Camel Fable
(modernised and adapted)
The Obituary
Carlo Horderman, famous Italian fashionista famous for his camel-haired high thermostatic coats told his last wildly inappropriate joke last Tuesday. He leaves behind six children, his textile empire and his much loved camels.
In good spirits until his final hours, his death-bed-Will claimed retention of all non-earthly trademark to his brand 'GreenSands' claiming God, Allah and Moses had already placed an order.
Instead of flowers at his funeral to be held on 31 February, Carlo requested that all attendees carry out an unexpected and unsolicited act of kindness. He wanted all reminding that he's watching and he'll know.
A pair of this season's camel cashmere soft touch gloves will be his parting gift to all funeral attendees. He joked that handing out freebies at his funeral meant he wouldn't worry about a poor turnout.
Channel 4 have confirmed that Countdown will re-show his side-splitting episode of Celebrity Countdown later this month with an opening credit dedication.
The Inheritance
Carlos' daughters received his hosiery and coat empire. They were very happy. (At least until they got a Letter of Claim from their brothers, but that's another mediation story).
Carlos' sons received 17 bull camels. Richard was gifted half of the herd, Nick a third, and the youngest, Des, got only a ninth. They were not so happy. To top it all, their sisters were rumoured to be planning a management reshuffle and the brothers saw P45s on their horizon. Before long, they wouldn't have a tea-pot between them.
Betsy
A mediator rode into town on Betsy the Bactrian. The 17 bull camels began flaunting their irresistible moves. Loudly! Carlo has often laughed at his camels' testosterone-fuelled displays, "Puffing out their soft palate like a luxury scarf," he used to say.
To the disappointed brothers, the joke wasn't funny then and was even worse now. They watched in horror as their camels foamed at the mouth like some clogged cappuccino machine. They winced as their camels ground their jaws as if they were pulping four billion coffee beans. It was so unbecoming.
"How about Betsy stays with your camels a while?" offered the mediator, "We can see what develops."
The brothers didn't really have a choice. Their 17 camels were already injured in this fight for Betsy. They were normally such a serene bunch. They nodded and continued to draw numbers in the sand in efforts to divide their camels in accordance with their dad's wishes.
The solution
The sons continued to draw equations in the sand. It was impossible. There was no solution.
A gust of wind suddenly obliterated their sums. Richard furiously kicked at the remains of their futile workings out, his angry gaze moving towards the camels. He counted each one to defuse his temper. His breathing regulated as he reached number 18.
If only they had 18 camels, he mused. Because 18 camels would mean that his half would give him 9 camels, and his two brothers would get 6 and 2. They'd easily be able to divide the camels if they only had 18 of the damn things.
He told Des this, picking up the stick with a sigh.
"No", said "Des. "9+6+2 =17. There would be one camel left over, Betsy."
The three brothers' puzzled look slowly vanished. Their eyes lit up and they smiled. There was a solution after all. They could each take a share of 17 camels and still be able to say goodbye to Betsy. That's if Bruno would let them. He certainly seemed smitten with his new date.
Not only that, but they'd seen opportunities abound. The networks might be interested in filming a camel reality-dating show.
Woe calls
The sons were delighted that Betsy and the mediator had come into town. Betsy asked the mediator if they could stay a while. Betsy was in love. Bruno wasn't all froth and no trousers and had the most majestic hump in the desert.
"I'm sorry we can't stay, woe calls, but we can come back soon," said the mediator. She turned to the brothers, "I'm glad our visit sorted things out for you, and has given you something to CHEW over. As I said to Betsy, WOE CALLS."
The brothers looked puzzled again. They had no idea why the mediator had enunciated the words CHEW and WOE CALLS.
The mediator chuckled. She said her goodbyes then she and Betsy trottted off towards the sunset.
It didn't take long. "COLESLAW" shouted Richard, his voice triumphant.
The mediator and Betsy smiled. This was exactly the word they'd hoped to hear.
The brothers were certainly their father's sons.
They'd spotted - and solved - their Countdown tea-time teaser.
The morals of this fable:
- Sometimes what seems like adding nothing, adds a great deal.
- You can always find an 18th camel when problem-solving.
- Once you've found common ground, you can resolve anything.
- To reach a solution, believe there is a solution.
Of course, my adaptation of this fable has a liberal sprinkling of artistic licence. I hope no-one is offended that I have had a little fun with it. Mediation and our problems are serious and I take them seriously when mediating. However, I believe only good things come from keeping a sense of humour when faced with life-challenges.
The original fable originates from the Middle East, A version also appears in the book of Corinthians. My version is dedicated to Dave, my late step-dad, who never missed an episode of Countdown and is missed every day.
Camel Mediation Ltd is registered as a company in England and Wales under company number 11646433. The R/O is 501 Middleton Rd, Chadderton OL9 0HH
A dispute is an opportunity for growth.
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